Turn away......I know you saw

Its quite amusing how sometimes all we have to do to feel better about something is to simply turn away. Being oblivious of it all, comfortably numb.

As waited on a red light the other day, I saw an old man sitting on the green belt on my right. His silver white beard reached for his knees, as he tightly clutched his left ankle, sliding his hands up and down his thin leg trying to relieve the pain. What kind of circumstances would have compelled a person like him to be here, at this hr? Why isn’t he home, tightly snuggled in his bed, or sitting among the warmth of his grandchildren telling them stories? I was looking right into his eyes. He was looking my way, but was blankly staring into midair. His eyes were drenched with sorrows I knew I couldn’t feel through a gaze, holding answers to my questions, answers I knew I couldn’t do anything with. He had lived his life, in the face of all it had in store for him. Maybe he needed money, I thought, as I frantically searched my bag, but only in vain. He didn’t look like a beggar. Had I even had the money, I wouldn’t have known how to give it to him, without hurting his self respect. He seemed like a traveler, on a long journey, a journey that had brought him so far out he didn’t know where he headed for. My stomach clenched as I stared into those daunting eyes, the depth of which had no bounds. Loosing myself in the air of melancholy surrounding, I quickly turned my gaze away. It was comforting, not looking at him anymore, as the traffic light turned green and my car drove past him. That’s when it pricked. Turning away wont make it go away. I might not see him, or feel him, but he still exists and so does the pain I never got to know of.

When you drive over the Jinnah flyover going from Defence to Gulberg to grab a bite off MM Alam, ever noticed the huge billboards with fancy faces painted all over them? I’m sure you have. Ever looked over on the left, at the chaarpais laid over the roofs, the cramped narrow streets, the mesh of gray moving around beneath? Very few bother to. Admiring the richly painted billboards, oozing with life and colour is so much more convenient then looking at these people below struggling in filth and sweat to put food on their tables every night. But you know what? Turning away just wont make them disappear.

Denying the existence of some things takes us further away from what we already cant understand. Well you might be helpless to it, and not be able to do anything about it, but denying is plain shameful mockery. A façade that feeds on oblivion. And oblivion on our reality. But what is real and what is illusion?

Then there are times when we are reminded that some things are better left untouched, unexplored, all layers hiding the truth in tact. We are not always as prepared for it as we may think so. Moreover it never is a one way thing. If we yearn to know, doesn’t always mean the beholder of the key wishes to unlock for us. Sometimes things are better left unsaid. I of all people would know that. Do not expose yourself to the storm, for it has no heart, it just blows away with it shrouded in dust all that comes its way.

I don’t close my eyes to things I cant understand. I try and look within for traces of that which are not apparent on the surface. But when something’s held back, I just move away, but not forget. Who knows someday, someplace, someone might just have the courage and will to tell me why....