This time shall never come back...

*Swooosh*
"Hahaha! Wooohooo!"
He floated through the air. The lime green meadows below seemed brighter, as he fought back his reflexes, trying to keep his eyes open. The rope clinched his ankle tighter, as the fall terminated with a jolt, that brought the world to rest again. Images became clearer, even the mountain he hung by seemed static again. He was alive. His ankle hurt a little, probably got dislocated again. But man was it worth it or what?!
This time shall never come back...


It was way past midnight. She sat quietly next to the stove, in the cold veranda. It was an unusually dark night, but the streetlight nearby illuminated her little spot enough to make legible the book she held in her hands. Exams were right around the corner, she had already received her warnings, and knew if she didn’t clear them this time, her fate was going to be not any different from the rest of her sisters. Even the thought of being married off, at the age of sixteen, to a completely unknown person twice her age, was nauseating. This was the only time of the day she could have to herself, when her mind would be at ease, when she didn’t have to think about any clothes to be washed, dinner to be cooked, water to be brought from the well. It was her hour of the day. She sat there on the cold porch completely absorbed in the savior she held in her hands, reading voraciously. She knew..
This time shall never come back...


She opened her eyes, struggling to catch a glimpse of where she lay, as the strong light poured through her eyelashes forming stars on the tips. She felt a familiar touch. He held her hand between his.
“Hey” He forced a smile upon his dry lips.
“Hey! Argh. And here we are again....haha”. Her eyes were as bright as always, with that eternal twinkle of hers.
“Why do you do this to yourself? When you know your not well. For Gods sake don’t be so hard on yourself. You should have told me, I would have taken the kids shopping. You know the doctors said your not suppose to overexert yourself...”
She kept looking at him as he went on and on.
“I know I don’t have too much time...but I want to live the little I have, like everyday is my last day”. Her eyes were filling, but she still seemed happy.
This time shall never come back....

They sat back, as the wheels rolled over the never ending road. The heavy guitaring played on their eardrums and cigarette smoke filled the car. They couldn’t see any turning. The road seemed to be blending in with the horizon.
“You ever taken this road before?”
“Nay!”
“Know where it goes?”
“Nopes”
“Nor do I..”
“You wanna turn back?”
“Hell no!”
There was an outburst of laughter, as the two of them continued on yet another one of those aimless drives into nowhere, that seem so meaningless yet leave the best memories to look back at.
This time shall never come back...


He opened the door to the empty apartment. A stale static air filled the room, greeting him with walls upon which no faces hung, quiet passageways where no shadows moved about, and dim lighting, enough to see yourself in the mirrors, not only on the outside, but on the inside. He was alone. Every joint in his body ached, from working all day. But there was a sense of fulfillment. He would soon be able to afford paying off the loans his mother had taken when his father died. And bring her all those dreams she always dreamt. He might have had to step into the ‘real world’ way before his time But he never was a quitter, and was going to fight his way and get all he could reach out for.
This time shall never come back...

They lay down on their backs, with the white sand under them. It was a beauitful night.
“Owe. That one looks like a unicorn!”
“No it doesn’t. It’s a dragon.” He took her hand, and traced out the cluster of stars with her index finger, “ See its even got fire coming out of its mouth! Haha”
“That’s the magic horn! You idiot.”, she shrugged off his hand.
He looked back at her and smiled, that complacent smile that always made chills run up her spine.
“Umm...its getting late. I should be heading home. Actually so should you, my dear astrologer”. She didn’t want to look into his eyes so began gather the glittery stones and shells they had collected.
“No. Stay for a while.”
“OK...I guess a couple of minutes wont bite.”, she winked at him playfully.
There was silence, as the rolling of the waves became louder.
This time shall never come back...

Who is to blame?
The addictive thrill of life?
Dreams?
Fate?
Love?
Circumstances?
Death?

No.
It’s time.

Sweet Surrender?....

What makes us who we are...
The soul..the mind...the heart..
I often find myself struggling to get an insight into these elements...
Are we prisoners to how they choose to be, or do we have the power to control them....

The soul is created by God..inherently good...I suppose that’s also where your conscience comes from. The soul is in itself independent of us when its poured into our bodies they say....it does evolve over time, how we treat it..our actions..tend to mold it and shape it into the individual soul we tag, as ours.

The mind is the practical force behind our decisions. It prominently pertains to what one must do, conscious of our duties and obligations. In the eyes of the world it is indeed the wise one and always tells us the right thing to do. However the right thing to do isn’t necessarily always the best thing to do, now is it. One might derive pleasure of the knowledge of having fulfilled all expectations of one, however beyond one point these are just duties in accordance to societal norms and our own material well being, and deep down inside appears this streak of resentment.

Sometimes we feel things...and are unaware of their existence. They might just not be too blatantly in your face to be able to acknowledge them. At times we don’t want to believe they exist and adopt an escapist attitude. And sometimes we simply don’t have an explanation for them, for they are contradictory to what our mind and soul tell us. The ways of the heart have to be one of the most complicated ones to understand, yet have the power to change the world if given a chance.

At various junctures of our lives, we often face a dilemma where we have to decide between choosing what we want to do, or what we know we should do. It is most amusing how I often find myself standing at this junction, now quite familiar to me. Makes me wonder whether I have an extremely eventful life, too eventful for my own good, or is it some kind of seemingly sadistic series of events predestined for me, with wiser undertones too follow, that I am as yet certainly unaware of. I do not think that I have in someway mastered the art of steering my life towards the right routes, or have become enlightened by the touch of some fairy dust. Time and again, I have fallen, gotten up, brushed the dust off my elbows and learnt to move on, having gathered to take along with me the remains of moss on my jeans, some cuts, and bruises, to remind me of how I got there.

The mind is indeed the safer option, for it conforms to societal norms and is conducive to immediate appreciation. Going against the waters is not a task fit for all. Only those who possess a sincere cause and motivation hold the power to be able to pull it off. Such are the ones who abide by the laws of the heart. It is unfair to draw these boundaries and somehow try to judge people in attempt to categorize them, for there are always shades of grey, or maybe I simply do not want to believe I’m not one of the latter. Yet something tells me my sky isn’t all dark and cloudy.
One must give due respect to all of these driving forces. They are all apart of us, and right in their own way, a part of them holds their individual traits, a part of them is what they have evolved into as possessed by us...at the end of the day, our part is really reconciling the various contradictions, for which there is no right and wrong, but very a individualistic and subjective a task in nature. Living in this world, and not just living but striving to do the best in whatever you do, one must adhere to the societal set up to some extent. It is not a shallow or weak thing to do, as long as you are aware of what you are doing. The heart is indeed not to be ignored. Yet only when there exists an immense desire to pursue its interest, or strong enough to cause overt discontentment if u act on the contrary, is when one feels compelled to give in to the heart. Unless one possesses the power to take it through, it is not wise to play with matters of the heart, for its delicate intricacies extend way beyond the sphere of explanation.

I still am not aware whether I have waded my way through the swamp and found answers to my questions, for I still feel damp, and cold. From the sight of it, it’s still a few hours from dawn. However I do feel like I know myself a little better, than I did when I walked into this place. We are not prisoners to our soul, mind and heart, for I feel no shackles around my ankles and wrists. However it is not even the other way round. We have a part to play in what we make of them...and once they are there...all that is in our hands is how we learn to work with them.....

I often feel like a tiny drop in the sea...a tiny drop not willing to let itself be part of the ocean, swimming within, trying to find its own waters...the crystal clear, glittery blue ones...do they exist? Maybe not...but the quest makes life worthwhile, aright ;)

Jaded Reflections

Moments clutching onto time,
As the seconds heartlessly tick away;
Memories floating upon frail wings of wind,
Not allowing oblivious forgetfulness, for not a minute, not an hour, not a day;

Torn, swaying between two worlds,
The anguish of this never-ending tormenting reverie;
Addicted to the taste of the enslaving torture,
Intoxication of that deceptive smile, sweet tears, the pricking irony;

Whispering, music to my ears,
The throbbing of blood creeping through the blackened veins;
My soul dancing upon its grave,
Trampling and tearing down, shriveled petals, hiding thorns beneath, wreaking pain;

Will to lead the life of a corpse?
It is not thy time yet;
Oh why does thy heart call upon me so often?
Cried the angel of death;

You remind me of how I feel around him,
I look back with drunken eyes, pouring within;
My chest heaves, struggling, being engulfed by the overpowering presence,
The caressing touch of intimacy, burning on my skin;

The intoxication fading into a numbing slumber,
I was silently left alone, once again at the hands of my fate;
Beneath a weeping, wounded, scarlet sky,
I lay upon my moist bed of tales, of love, and of hate...

Why do I write?

Why do I write?
HmmMmm..
No! ...But whyyy do I write?
...erm..
.....I know it...ofcourse I do....I’ll tell you, you smart-ass!
.
OK!...So what if I don’t know? Doesn’t make you any smarter. *ehm*
I’ve always been more of a talker than a writer. Those who know me, know what goes on in my head, and those who don’t, don’t really matter anyways.
Then there are times when I wonder if I even know myself. Times like these when you choose to turn to your paper instead of someone to talk to..*dang* no wonder most of whatever piece of literature, I have bestowed upon this world yet, tends to be greatly inclined towards the *waaaiin!* sentiments..haha
Nevertheless, I am going to write..to discover myself, for myself, and for those who want to know me for who I am, or who I may be.
Sounds quite self-centered a blog no? I certainly wouldn't like to think so. Ever sat down randomly and thought about life? ...The games it plays with us...How that one thing you want so bad, is so different from what you actually do everyday, and right this moment in time? How the same words often contradict themselves in meaning? How you yourself manage to dissolution yourself, and walk into fire, every time knowing it burns? Whether the oh-so-familiar corridors you walk down, feel the same when they are empty, as they do with the faces you see and voices you hear echoing, everyday? Why the sky looks purple when the sun is setting, somewhere in between the silver and turquoise? Why strawberries always taste tangier, if popped into you mouth, right off the bushes?
No? ....
Well I do :)